The Shadow Of Your Heart
by FirithAriel
Summary: Loki and Sigyn have known eachother since childhood, and have been pretty much inlove the whole time. But Loki has failed to do something about it. Tired of waiting, Sigyn gets engaged to another man. Loki won't accept this, and tricks Sigyn into marrying him instead. Will they get through married life, children and Loki being falsely accused of murder?
1. Chapter 1

**Ch. 1: A falling star fell from your heart**

Sigyn took a step back, bewildered. "What did you do to Theoric?"

"How did you-"

"What did you do to Theoric!?" She demanded, getting weird looks from the small gathering.

Theoric looked around and then stared at Sigyn blankly. She shook her head and placed one finger on his chest. A bright golden light emerged from it, engulfing her new husband, only for a few seconds.

Odin's groan was loud in the small room. "Loki."

The murmur grew louder, but Loki kept staring at Sigyn, looking for any reaction from her. He got none.

"This must be reversed!" Sigyn's mother spoke. "I won't have my daughter married to- _him!_ "

Odin snapped. " _Him?_ He's a prince, you peasant! If all, you should be grateful." Odin straightened his robes. "And in any case, they are already married. That cannot be so easily unmade."

Sigyn knew her mother was piling up every curse in the universe to throw at Odin and Loki. She could feel the static from her mother's magic starting to boil.

"In any case is still my choice." Sigyn stated breaking her mom's imminent explosion. Loki smirked.

"I knew-"

"Shut the Hel up." Sigyn took a deep breath, and looked at Odin. "All-father, I married your son unwillingly and unknowingly. He tricked me into doing it because he didn't have the courage to ask properly from the beginning."

Odin sighed and rolled his eyes at his son. Loki knew he was in for a long, long lecture back in the palace.

"But in the end, Loki always gets what he wants, doesn't he?" She said bitterly. "I will need time to talk to him first."

.-

Silence.

Silence on the streets of Asgard.

Silence through the endless hallways of the palace.

Silence when they reached Loki's chambers.

Silence as Sigyn stood in the middle of the room, gazing around. Her belongings dropped unceremoniously on the floor, she sighed, and with a flick of her hand, they disappeared.

"Are you going to say anything at all?" Loki was leaning against the wall right beside the door, tired of waiting for her to talk. Sigyn looked at him blankly, he wished he could read her mind, but she had learned to block him out ages ago.

"Why?"

"Why? Because I'm just here standing like an idiot-"

"No…" She shook her head. "Why did you do it?"

Loki smirked. Although there was something off about it. "You of all people should know that." Sigyn rolled her eyes at her new husband.

"Loki, you had every chance and all the time in the universe to ask me. I was there, I was always _right there_!" She spat in frustration. "And yet just when I decided to move on-"

"When you decided to move on I panicked." Loki didn't know exactly what to do with his hands, so he crossed his arms on his chest. His feet picked up the fidgeting.

Sigyn scoffed. "So, I was supposed to just keep playing whatever game you were playing? Stay just at the reach of your arm for the rest of time!"

"No…" He hesitated.

"If you were ever scared of the answer…"

"I was scared of everything!" He tried to keep his tone even, but all his emotions were bubbling up, filling a space too small to contain them. "I was scared of telling anyone about wanting to get married, of being with someone, of that someone being- you. I was scared of being told that I was-"

"...doing something that was not in place with your status?" She offered. "Or were you actually scared of people realizing you aren't everything they peg you to be?" Loki stared at the floor, Sigyn almost smiled at the sight of him looking like a little boy who was being scolded by his mother. "Is it that bad to show that you actually care?"

"Yes."

"Then why now?"

"Because I realized I was more scared of losing you." His tone didn't match his eyes, so full of uncertainty as he looked at Sigyn.

She held his gaze as she closed the space between them. "Why?"

"Sigyn-"

She untangled his hands and held them in her own, staring him down. "Why?

Loki opened his mouth, but no sound came out. She wordlessly insisted, and his defenses were already cracking. "As I said, you of all people should know." His voice was quivering a bit now, as hard as he tried to hide it. Was there anything he could hide from her anymore?

"I know exactly what you're going to say, but I need to hear you say it." Her expression was softer now, as if she was reaching for something inside Loki that no one ever tried to reach. "Loki." She nearly whispered, placing a hand on his chest. "Why?"

"Because I love you." He choked out.

"You're an idiot." She smiled.

"You're the one married to an idiot."

"Yeah, against my will, I haven't forgotten about that." Sigyn took a step back, smile fading from her face.

"We still haven't- you know." _Consummated our marriage_ was the unspoken phrase. Sigyn still had a way out of it and Loki was out of ideas. "I know what I did was wrong..."

"Are you apologizing? Ragnarok has come sooner than I thought." She half smiled, taking a few steps back and away from him.

Loki shook his head. "I'm trying- yes, but-" He reached out for her hand, holding her in place. "I cannot say I'm sorry, because I'm not. This is what I wanted." Subtly, he rubbed the wedding band in her finger. "I am an idiot for doing it the way I did it, but-"

"But you haven't won yet." Sigyn lifted her head suddenly, letting go of Loki's hand. "Someone's coming. Your father isn't happy."

Loki groaned. "When is he ever happy with me?" He said bitterly, right when three loud knocks boomed on the door.

Sigyn walked away from Loki as a guard irrupted into his chambers. "Your majesties." He greeted, with a small nod. "King Odin demands your presence in the throne room as soon as possible." He stated. "Both of you."

The door closed behind him and Loki stared at Sigyn, fear built up on his chest again.

"He will ask for my decision."

"And what is that you have decided?" He stopped trying to hide the panic in his voice. Or the hopefulness.

"You of all people should know." She mocked him, smiling at the confusion on his face. She took his hands and pulled him close, his forehead falling on hers. "I love you, you idiot."


	2. Chapter 2

**Ch. 2: I can hear your heartbeat**

Loki was ecstatic. He felt like skipping all the way to the throne room, shout out that he had a wife, that he _loved_ his wife and his wife loved him. It took a hard squeeze on the hand from Sigyn to get him to behave as they reached the hall.

"Sigyn Iwaldisdottir." Odin's voice boomed in the great hall. "Step forward." Sigyn let go of Loki's hand, letting out a small groan when she saw her mother. Without words, she curtsied. "Well, child, it's time for you to voice what you have chosen. Since your marriage to Loki was a scam…" Sigyn watched Loki roll his eyes. "…and you haven't sealed it _yet_ , I grant you this chance for an annulment. Will you take it or will you honor your vows?"

Sigyn took a deep breath. "I will honor my vows. I will stay married to Prince Loki."

Before Odin could say anything, Iwaldis spoke. "I need to talk to you in private." Clearly it was an order, so Sigyn simply followed her mother into the adjacent room.

Iwaldis wasted no time in listing all the reasons why it was a terrible idea for Sigyn to be married to Loki. But for her, most of those reason didn't make sense at all!

" _He's not a warrior, he's a sorcerer"_ , meaning he wasn't Thor.

" _He's a disgrace to his family and to Asgard."_ Okay, sometimes his jokes got a little out of control, but calling him a disgrace was too much.

" _He sleeps around…"_ Not that she liked it, but Sigyn was aware of it.

" _He's an immature, hot headed, violent, unpredictable fool who will end up killing you!"_

"Okay just let me stop you there." Sigyn was running out of patience. "I know Loki better than anyone on this floating piece of rock. There's no way he could ever hurt me." She stated.

Her mother gave her a weird look. "So how long have you been together?" Sigyn swallowed. "Oh, don't play the fool now. There's a reason you _conveniently_ recognized he wasn't Theoric when you kissed!"

"Sorcery school." Sigyn muttered, as her mother started ranting again. It was making her head hurt. "I'm not a virgin!" She suddenly blurted out, just to make her shut up.

Iwaldis stopped dead cold. "What did you say?"

"I am not a virgin. There's your reason to leave me alone with what I've chosen to do." Sigyn repeated. Knowing it was impossible that they actually did anything before being summoned on the throne room, Iwaldis lowered her tone.

"Does he know that?"

Sigyn scoffed. "Of course he knows. He was _there_." She took one look at her mother and explained all the questions she could read on her face. "It was right after my engagement to Theoric was announced. Loki didn't take the news very well, and… he paid me a visit that night."

"Spare me the details." Iwaldis stormed off back to the throne room and started attacking Loki with every curse she could remember.

"Mother, please, behave yourself!" Sigyn conjured a shield between Loki and Iwaldis to make her stop, but it wasn't until the palace guards restrained her that she actually calmed down.

Knowing she couldn't repeat what her daughter had revealed, Iwaldis gathered herself and left the throne room with nothing more that a stiff curtsy to her King and Queen.

Odin rubbed his temple. "So, Sigyn."

"Yes, All-father."

"Is your decision final?"

"Yes, it is." Sigyn walked to Loki and took his hand.

"Great!" Odin said, though there wasn't any joy in it. "We'll start making the arrangements for the appropriate celebration." Loki groaned. "Just to make it official. Besides, you are now a princess, Sigyn. Tradition demands that you are properly introduced to the people."

Loki hated those balls _with a passion_ , but he wouldn't let that put a damper in his mood. "Is there anything else you need from us, Father?" Odin shook his head and dismissed them with his hand.

As soon as both were back in now _their_ chambers, Loki picked Sigyn up and carried her to the bed. "I should've done that earlier."

She giggled as he placed her on the covers. "Cause it's not cheesy at all."

Loki shrugged. "Honestly, I don't care." He sprawled his limbs across the bed, placing his head on her abdomen. "Why did you mother attack me?"

"I sort of blurted out what happened when you found out about my engagement." She started playing with his hair. Loki laughed knowingly. "She had many opinions about you."

"Well, you're not the only one who got a lecture." Loki added, quite amused.

"Why do I get the feeling that you just rolled your eyes at your parents? I can see it in my head." Sigyn giggled. "I'd like to know what you mother had to say. I'm guessing Odin was being Odin."

"My mother was surprisingly calm and happy about it. She believes it's a good thing for me to _settle_."

" _Settle_ with me? That is slightly offensive." Sigyn rolled her eyes.

Loki giggled. "She likes you, though. She was extremely crossed with me when she heard about your engagement." He said, playing with her fingers. "In a way, you have to blame, or thank, her for today. Also, she takes great pleasure in organizing celebrations and dinners and balls, half of her happiness was just the fact she'd get one of those in her hands."

"Oh, _the ball_ … How do you wanna play that one?" She said, taking a deep breath, looking less than pleased with the prospect.

"What do you mean?"

"People all over us? Your _reputation_." She spat with contempt. "Are we playing the miserable couple or what?"

Loki propped himself on one elbow and stared at her. "I… I hadn't thought about that."

"Well, you have five days to think about it." Any trace of a smile was gone now, as Sigyn stared at the ceiling.

"What do you wanna do?"

"Me?" She looked at him, surprised. "I…" Biting her lip, she sighed. "I don't wanna hide this. That we are actually _happy_? It would be a shock for _everyone_!" Sigyn rolled to her side, facing her husband. "You know I don't really care about what they think, and the presentation ball is going to be a drag anyway. Why make it even more complicated by having us hate each other?"

"Well, it will be fun to shock everyone." Loki took her hand, linking their fingers together. "We'll do it your way."

Sigyn leaned in and kissed him deeply.

"Sooooo… what do you say if we- _consummate our marriage_ now?" Loki whispered, pushing her on her back and hovering over her.

In a quick flash of gold, Sigyn made her robes disappear, displaying her silky undergarments. Loki took that as a yes.


	3. Chapter 3

**Ch. 3: My own secret ceremonials**

The tingle of soft kisses on the top of her spine pulled Sigyn from her slumber, making her groan. She felt a giggle against her skin, and the kissing resumed, this time traveling down her bare back, lingering between her shoulder blades.

Warm hands caressed her sides, subtly rolling her hips to make her lie face down on the bed. Sigyn smiled and blinked one eye open. It wasn't even dawn yet.

"I hope you have a very good reason to wake me up this early." She grumbled.

"Actually, I do." Loki breathed out, dragging his lips further down her spine and kissing the small of her back. Sigyn giggled at the ticklish feeling, making Loki smile. "C'mon, get dressed." He whispered, withdrawing from the bed.

Sigyn shivered from the lack of contact and rolled over just to watch him walk to the bathroom in all his naked glory. "What are we getting dressed for?"

"You'll see." He winked, popping his head from the door frame.

"For the Norns' sake! It's not even dawn yet!" Sigyn threw the covers over her head.

"Stop whining and get up already!" Loki dropped himself on top of her, trying to pull the covers away.

"Why? Why? Why, oh, why?" She said between giggles.

"Cause today is the ball and we have to get back before we are attacked by an army of servants trying to get us ready for it."

"Ugh, the _ball_ … Fine." Sigyn sat up, Loki was already dressed. "Where are we going?"

"You'll see." He chuckled and kissed the top of her head.

Sigyn rolled her eyes and went to the bathroom to freshen up and get dressed. Once ready, he took her hand and led her through the still empty corridors of the palace.

"Loki, are you going to tell me what's going on?"

"It's a surprise!" He gave her a mischievous smile.

"Okay, now I'm scared."

They reached a small passage that led to the lower levels of the Sorcerers' temple. Sigyn and Loki knew the place very well: it was their school. It just made her even more confused. Before she could say anything, Loki stood in front of her.

"Do you trust me?" He said, taking her hands, looking directly into her eyes.

"Yes."

"Great! Cause I want us to get bound." He explained with a nervous smile.

"What?!" She nearly jumped away from him.

"This whole week I've been trying to come up with a way to make it up to you for tricking you into marriage." Loki's voice was quivering slightly. "So I figured, since we can't actually get re-married-" Sigyn was still staring at him blankly. Loki's face dropped. "You don't want to."

"I'm just-" Sigyn stammered. "You realize that it would mean, right? We would share thoughts, experiences, feelings- you won't be able to lie to me anymore."

Loki looked at her slightly hurt. "Why would I wanna lie to you?"

"And, if you're doing it out of fear or jealousy that _I_ could do something, then it's just wrong!" She continued without registering his words. "Where did this idea come from? Don't _you_ trust _me_?"

"I do! With my life!" He stated, watching her pace. "That's why-" Loki stood in front of Sigyn, interrupting her pacing, and took her hands. "That's exactly why. I trust you, I don't trust _anyone else_. If I ever had to chose someone to keep my secrets, to keep my life, to keep _my heart_ , it's you."

"But it goes both ways." She said softly. "I DO trust you, but you still scare the life out of me." Sigyn looked down, not to see the hurt in his eyes. Loki cupped her face in his hands.

"Sigyn, I love you." He said, looking straight into her eyes. "That's the _only truth_ I know." He put his forehead on hers and sighed. "I don't know where will we be in a thousand years, I just hope I'm able to find you. If you want me to find you. And if I'm the one who's lost, I know you're the only one who could find me. I wouldn't want it any other way."

Sigyn tried to find any shadow of doubt or uncertainty in Loki's eyes, but found none. She buried her head on his chest, his arms holding her close, and knew _this_ was _it_. If there was one place she would be forever safe, it would be Loki, no matter how many light years apart they were.

"You'll be the death of me." She breathed out and looked up. "Fine. Let's do it." His face lit up as he kissed her.

Holding hands, they sorted the intricate catwalks of the basement. An eerie glow lighted their way, leading them through the numerous protective shrines under the school. Most of them were right beneath the palace, others were scattered under Asgard in places of power, healing or funeral rites. Sigyn knew their wedding had been held right above one, in the far side of the gardens.

"Master Thyra." Loki spoke softly, with a small head bow. Sigyn did the same.

"Prince Loki, Princess Sigyn." The tall woman greeted them. "If you are ready, please follow me."

Master Thyra was one of the Sanctum teachers, and probably one of the most powerful sorcerers in Asgard. It made sense that Loki would ask her for help with the proper binding spells, specially when she was versed in mostly every marriage ritual ever known in the nine realms. Loki and Sigyn followed her into a small shrine, they knew was right at the start of the bifrost bridge.

It wasn't anything big or pompous: just a circular room, walls of white stone littered with runes and symbols written eons ago. Glowing with a flickering golden light, they seemed to dance around, switching forms. Sigyn had seen such effect all over the Sanctum, but she was always amazed by it.

Master Thyra stopped on the far side of the entrance and stood in front of Loki and Sigyn.

"If you both are here, is because you have both agreed _freely_ to join one another."

"Yes." Both replied at the same time.

"Good." Master Thyra smiled. "I hope that after years at this very school I don't have to conduct you through the ritual." She added with a smirk. "You both know what will happen after this. This magical bond will stay with you forever: it will transverse space, time, dimensions and in some cases, even death. May you be one of the lucky few."

As she spoke, Sigyn and Loki faced each other, reaching their right arms and entwining them in between. Their bare wrists joined as they linked their hands together.

Master Thyra seemed to pick one of the runes from the walls: one golden thread stretched in her hand, thought it seemed she wasn't even touching it. The thread unraveled in her fingers as she led it to where Loki and Sigyn's wrists were touching. There, it latched itself around their arms. Sigyn smiled at the tingling feeling, eyes locked in her husband's. Master Thyra's words she knew by heart, so Sigyn allowed herself to get lost in Loki's eyes. A warm feeling crept through her arm and came to settle on the pit of her stomach.

" _Nutë_." Master Thyra commanded with a snap of her fingers.

" _Lá istan_." Loki and Sigyn spoke at the same time, sealing their bond. The golden thread melted into their skin.

"Congratulations." Master Thyra spoke. "The binding has been successful."

"You sound surprised." Loki said with a smirk.

"Not at all, my prince. I've known for a long time Sigyn would be your choice. And she will be your salvation too."

Sigyn lowered her head and smiled to herself. "I hope so." Loki hugged her and kissed the top of her head.

"Give it a couple of hours, you know how this works. It can be a bit overwhelming having two heads inside one." Master Thyra said as she led them out. "On the plus side, the sex is great!" She added with a wink.

Loki smiled. "Thank you, Master Thyra."

"Your majesties." With a small nod, the sorcerer turned around and seemingly floated away.

.-

Back in their chambers, Loki couldn't keep his hands, or everything else, off Sigyn. It was really awkward to have her thoughts and feelings inside his head, but it gave him such a rush. All he wanted was to make her happy, and now that he had access to her feelings, he could see exactly _how_.

 _I didn't think you'd like this._

 _Well, why didn't you ask?_

Loki was pinning Sigyn against the wall, with her legs around his waist. Their clothes had already evaporated.

 _You're not going to break me, you know?_

 _My mistake._

It was intoxicating. Addictive, to feel everything she was feeling. To know how good _he_ could make her feel. Loki buried his head in her neck, loving how her nails left trails on his back, how her teeth left marks on his shoulders. Her body was already quivering.

 _Loki… that's… I'm…_

 _I know._

Sigyn pulled Loki's hair back, making him face her, and devoured his mouth. Wave after wave of pleasure washed over them. Loki held onto the wall to keep his wobbly legs from giving up. Sigyn tried to untangle herself from Loki, but he didn't allow it. Instead, he placed his forehead against hers, staring into her eyes.

 _This is weird._

 _What? Having a conversation inside our heads? I think it's great!_

Both smiled as Loki carried Sigyn to their bed.

 _Well, it does allow us to kiss and talk at the same time._

Loki hovered over Sigyn and kissed her deeply, while his hands explored her bare skin. Clinging to his back, Sigyn managed to roll him over and straddled his hips.

"I wish we had more time to continue with this." She said, linking her hand with his.

Loki felt a bit dizzy at _knowing_ what would happen in a minute. "Wow. We can share magic tricks too?"

Sigyn shrugged. "I guess. Can you see the army coming to get us ready for this afternoon?"

"I can. My mother is at their front."

"So we're sharing magic tricks." Sigyn lowered to kiss him once again as she willed her nightgown to appear. "I'm sorry."

Loki rolled his eyes and did his clothes too, right before the door burst open.

"Morning, everyone!" Frigga sang, while opening the curtains. She started talking about the ball, while a myriad of maids made their way in, bringing breakfast, dresses, robes, capes, hairbrushes, colognes, perfumes, mirrors and countless other things.

Sigyn got off the bed, knowing resistance was futile. Loki just stayed in bed, staring at the ceiling, extremely annoyed.

 _Look at the bright side: think of all the fun are we going to have this afternoon with this new method of communication._

Loki smiled.


	4. Chapter 4

**Ch. 4: The breath that passed from you to me**

Life at the palace was easy to get used to, easy to get bored of as well.

Everyone revelled in either fighting or feasting. Most of the time, both.

The feasting she could deal with, but Sigyn didn't particularly enjoy the combat training. She wasn't physically strong, though she made up for that in agility and speed. She also realized that ballet classes were more useful to her than lifting weights. And, the best part: due to her magic, she was always two steps ahead of her opponent: she would know _exactly_ what their next move would be.

Of course, this ability of hers wasn't common knowledge. So when Loki set her up to fight Sif (and place a huge bet in her favor) Sigyn knew where this was coming from.

"It will be fun!" He had said. And he was right.

Sigyn remembered how Sif, Thor, Volstagg and Fandral would make fun of Loki when they were in their pre-teens. She remembered how they would belittle him for preferring to read and work on his magic instead of clashing with makeshift weapons. She remembered how he was always confronted with the fact that _he wasn't Thor_. It took Loki years to feel comfortable enough in his own skin to fight back with what he knew. His magic was his weapon: shape shifting, astral projection, illusions, deceit, and that bit of mind reading he still struggled with.

The "warrior kids" didn't like it, in their eyes that was cheating.

It _would_ be fun to turn the tables for a bit.

Word of the unlikely match spread out, Sigyn suspected that Loki had something to do with it. When the day arrived, the training arena was full.

 _I am going to kill you._

Loki smiled, his wife staring at him from the floor.

 _Kill Sif first, if you please._

 _I think that's a little extreme. But I will try and humiliate her for your amusement. Granted she doesn't break my back first._

 _Have I mentioned that I love you?_

 _Not this week, so thank you._

Sif entered the training pit, full in armor and was greeted by the roaring applause of all her soldiers. With a smug smirk on her face, Sif stared at Sigyn.

"Are you sure you wanna do this, little one?" Sif taunted. She looked all powerful: a true goddess with her golden plate armor, spear in one hand, shield in the other.

"Well, we're already here." Sigyn shrugged. Her leather vest paled in comparison, her daggers looked small and frail in her hands. But she knew she didn't need much. She just wanted to make Sif angry, and that was easy.

Sif measured Sigyn's stance again, and charged. Of course, Sigyn could see what was coming before it came, so she dodged Sif's attack with ease.

Sif charged again, and again Sigyn evaded her.

"Are you just going to run around that whole time?" Sif was getting exasperated, how could Sigyn be that fast?

Sigyn rolled the daggers in her hands. "Stop _trying_ to hit me and _hit me_ , then." She said with a smirk.

Sif realized that Sigyn had cornered herself on one end of the pit. She thought it was weird, but at least she wouldn't have room to dodge her again. She attacked, spear stretched out front, ready to impale Sigyn.

Sif could see the smirk on Sigyn's face right before she jumped and landed on Sif's spear. With perfect balance, Sigyn took another jump and landed behind Sif, taking time to kick the back of her knee. Sif stumbled. With a cry, Sif turned around waving her spear, trying to surprise Sigyn, but she simply bent down on her back and the spear wheezed over her head. Sif's shield, however, she couldn't manage to avoid, and took a blow on her arm that sent her rolling on the floor. The crowd cheered.

"Congrats, you finally hit me." Sigyn said, gaining her footing again.

 _Auch! That's going to hurt later._

 _Shut up, Loki._

Sif wasn't giving Sigyn any time to recover, and charged again. Sigyn rolled under Sif's shield, this time taking revenge for being struck: as she rolled, she put one of her daggers to Sif's thigh, letting slide deep enough to draw blood, but not permanent damage.

Sif shouted. "You bitch!" Sigyn just smirked.

Winded and furious, Sif dropped her shield. If Sigyn was _that_ fast, she'd have to be faster.

The sparring got even more aggressive. Sigyn knew the only thing protecting her from being skewered by Sif was her ability to see what she would do beforehand. Sif was stronger, more trained and right now she was _seething_.

With 3 powerful blows, Sif was towering Sigyn, spear mere inches from Sigyn's face, only stopped by her daggers.

"You cannot overpower me." Sif said, pressing the spear harder.

"I'm not trying to." Sigyn taunted. It was time to actually _use_ her magic. Sif only saw the golden glow in Sigyn's eyes.

In a flash, Sigyn was out of Sif's weight. Sif fell forward, her attempt to gain balance was stopped by one of Sigyn's daggers on her ankle. Sif lost it and collapsed hard on the floor, her spear clattering far from her reach. Another flash and Sigyn straddling her back, knees on each shoulder, pinning her to the ground, dagger posed to her neck.

"Yield." Sigyn demanded.

The audience went absolutely silent. Sif knew she could easily get up, but Sigyn would still be attached to her back and she would still have a dagger on her neck.

"You cheated." Sif spat. "Magic is the cheater's way."

"You have your tricks. I have mine. If you expect everyone to always play by your rules, you'll always lose." Sigyn pulled a handful of Sif's hair and pressed the dagger deeper in her neck. "Yield."

"YOU CHEATED!" Sif said, sputtering all kind of curses.

"Sif, please…" Sigyn mused. "You didn't lose because I cheated, you lost because you're too predictable. I'm not nearly as strong, or trained, or disciplined as you, yet here we are. Now yield, so I can get a bath."

Sif's pride was shattered. "Fine." She muttered. "I yield."

Sigyn let go of Sif's hair and stood up. "Make a lesson out of this. Don't underestimate your opponent, don't expect them to fight by your rules and be ready to improvise." Sigyn offered her hand to Sif, but she slapped it away and stood up by herself. "You're a great warrior, Sif. You'll become General of the Asgardian Army one day. Don't let your pride get in the way."

Sigyn dismissed her daggers with magic and limped out the silent arena.

 _I love you even more now._

 _Shut up, Loki. You owe me a big one_.

 _Anything you want, darling._

 _Right now I'd like a bath._

.-

After that, life became a little more interesting in the palace. Sigyn now had to accommodate a few training sessions with Sif (who surprisingly had gotten over her pride and "agreed" to train with Sigyn), between ballet classes, sorcery and healer training.

The bond she shared with Loki became even more useful, as he was being dragged _everywhere_ by Thor. Apparently after Sigyn's fight with Sif, Thor thought of a use for Loki's powers, not only to train with him, but to take him into raids whenever necessary.

Loki would say he hated it, but Sigyn knew better.

 _I hate this_

 _Liar_

 _Okay, I don't dislike it that much._

 _Face it, you're thrilled that they might see you as one of the team._

 _Still, I can think of better things I could be doing instead of hanging out with these muscle-heads._

 _Me too, but I'm busy._

Loki smirked to himself. _By the way, can I borrow the foresight? I'm afraid Thor is leading us right into a trap._

From sharing tricks to having conversations, each other's presence in their heads became natural. Sigyn even learned to partially block Loki when he was getting annoying or she needed concentration.

They also discovered that the bond worked marvels when they were asleep, and that it activated whenever one of them was feeling a strong emotion, like rage or fear.

Even their seidr had mixed colors.

Loki's seidr had been green for as long as he could remember, while Sigyn's was golden. Now whenever either of them casted a spell, it would have flashes of green _and_ gold.

Frigga thought it was beautiful.

.-

Loki was reading in the library, grateful for the day of peace his brother's hangover had allowed him. He had missed to spend his mornings there, devouring books instead of getting demolished by Thor. There was a limit to how much his muscles could take.

"Loki." Sif said, interrupting his reading. "Have you seen Sigyn? We were supposed to train this morning."

"I haven't seen her since she left at breakfast." Loki looked up from his book and immediately tried to reach Sigyn, with no luck. "I assumed she was with you."

"Well, she didn't show up. She hasn't been feeling right these last few days."

This was news to Loki. Sif kept talking, but he was busy trying to contact Sigyn.

 _Sigyn?_

 _In a minute, love._

 _Where are you? Are you alright?_

There was no answer, and Loki started to panic a little. "Maybe she's with Eir? She has been taking into healing. Maybe she just got her days mixed up." Loki offered. "Or she thought none of you would be in a fit state to train after the feast last night."

Sif huffed. "I am NOT those oafs." Loki smirked and opened his mouth to remind Sif of one of the many times _she was_ one of those oafs. "Don't say it." Sif cut him up. "Just tell her to reach me."

"Will do." Loki waited for Sif to leave the library before he scrambled for the door and sprinted down to the Healing Room. He was half way there when Sigyn stopped blocking him.

 _Sigyn, where are you?_

 _Our chambers._

 _Is everything okay?_

Silence again. Loki ran to their chambers and found the door half open. Sigyn was standing by the balcony.

"I have a surprise for you." Sigyn turned and smiled to Loki.

"After freaking me out?" He huffed. "Why didn't you tell me you were not feeling well?"

Sigyn smiled again and reached for his hand. "I just wanted to be sure."

"Sure of what?" While they spoke, Sigyn took Loki's hand and pulled him close. "Stop blocking me, it's annoying."

"Fine." Sigyn said, and placed Loki's hand on his lower abdomen. "Look for yourself."

Loki gasped audibly. "Are you-? Is it-? Wait a second… _Twins_?"

Sigyn nodded, a big grin spreading on her face as Loki took her in his arms and spun around.

"That's why you've been feeling ill?" Loki said, putting Sigyn back on the floor.

"They are your kids, of course they've been misbehaving." Sigyn said as Loki pushed a string of hair behind her ear. He had never been so overcome with happiness. He couldn't even articulate the words, so he took Sigyn's hand and linked their fingers together letting her read him.

Sigyn buried her head in Loki's chest, arms around his waist.

"You'll have to tell Sif you cannot longer train with her." Loki said, returning the hug.

"You'll have to tell _your mother_." Sigyn said. "That's going to be something."

"For the norns, she's gonna flip out, isn't she?"

"And come up with some kind of announcement ball or something." Both giggled. Sigyn took a deep breath, drinking in Loki's silence. "What are you afraid of?" She asked, looking up to Loki's face.

"Huh, you picked that up."

"Whatever relationship you have with your father, just know that you are not him." Sigyn said, cupping Loki's face in her hands and staring right at him.

"I'll try not to. I promise." He said, leaning into Sigyn's hands and kissing her palm. "I love you. All _three_ of you."

"We love you too."


	5. Chapter 5

**Ch. 5: Some say it's a blessing, some say it's a curse**

Block up, dodge down, keep still and lunge. Another day at the training pit, getting banged up. At least it kept his mind halfway busy, and Loki could try and ignore the anticipation that followed him everywhere these days

"Thor, you're getting too predictable again." Loki said with a smirk, deviating Thor's sword with his daggers.

Of course, Loki had been using Sigyn's foresight, but he wasn't about to tell his brother that.

"Fine, from the top." Thor said taking a deep breath. "How is Sigyn doing by the way?"

"She's doing as fine as she can be doing with two kids kicking at her ribs all day." Loki answered, still sparring. He never understood Thor's love for making small talk while they were fighting. Even to their enemies.

"How long until she makes me an uncle?" Thor lunged to his brother, and Loki knowing his daggers were too small, conjured a sword just in time to block him.

"Not long, I hope." Loki choked, trying to hold his ground against Thor's weight.

 _Loki._

The whisper inside his head distracted him, and Thor took the chance to kick Loki back, sending him rolling on the dust. Thor laughed.

Loki knelt on the floor, feeling the ghost of pain on his center. But it wasn't because of Thor's blow.

 _Loki!_

He heard again, with another pulsating pain in his abdomen.

Seeing he wasn't getting up, Thor got worried. "Loki, are you okay? I didn't hit you that hard, right?"

Loki shook his head. "No" He said with a big grin on his face. "It's Sigyn." Thor looked at him confused. "I'm going to be a father!" Loki dropped his weapon and sprinted back to the palace.

With every turn he'd make some of his armour disappear, until he reached the Healers Ward.

"Loki Odinson! Wash yourself!" Eir commanded.

He didn't even protest, and hastily washed the dust and sweat from his face and hands. Eir gave him another disapproving look, but led him to the back chamber, where Sigyn was now, breathing heavily. Loki stood in the middle of the room, not really knowing what to do, and he felt another wave of pain.

 _Come here, you idiot! This is all your fault, and you're going to suffer with me!_

Sigyn was staring daggers at him. He couldn't help the smile.

.-

Terror.

If Loki had to describe the past few years in one word, it would be terror.

As he watched his kids playing in the gardens, he realized he was the happiest he had ever been: he had a family. _A family_ , all to himself. And Loki was _terrified_ that someone could take that away from him.

Right now though, he couldn't help but smile at his children: they were currently going at each other using sparkles.

Narfi and Vàli might have been twins, but they were far from identical. Vàli was the living copy of Sigyn: golden hair and bright green eyes, while Narfi's raven black hair and greyish blue eyes made him look like a miniature Loki, a fact that Frigga had pointed out more than once.

Of course both had inherited some raw magic. Narfi had his mother's foresight and Vàli had already managed to successfully morph into a tiny wolf pup a couple of times much to his brother's terror and his dad's amusement.

Sigyn was forced to block their magic to keep the twins from destroying their chambers (again), Loki thought about sending them to school, but they were still too young. Frigga was the one to solve the issue and started tutoring them in the palace.

"I would say I don't know how you do it, but after raising Loki and Thor, I'm sure you can handle anything." Sigyn said to Frigga, while watching the twins train.

"They're just kids. What is motherhood without a little destruction?" Frigga said with a wink.

Soon, too soon for their parents liking, the young princes were old enough to take upon most tasks: sorcery school, combat training, weaponry and literature. Narfi had even taken an interest in healing and it wasn't strange to see him hiding behind Sigyn's robes when they were in the Healers Ward.

By all means, their life was as close to perfection as it could be.

Why did Loki keep feeling so _terrified_?

.-

On the twins 300th name day, people of all the neighbouring realms came to celebrate. Games and feasts were thrown in their honor. All sort of competitions would be held, just to show off, as Sigyn would put it.

One of the most interesting competitions was the sword fighting event, not because it was fun, but because the prizes the champions could win: not only fame and honor, but Æsir gold. Every realm had their own champions, and obviously Thor and Sif would enter for Asgard. Other famous names and old asgardian friends entering were Baldr and his brother Höor, Heimdall, Bragi, Ullr, Siegfried, and the sisters Var and Vör.

The first few matches were predictable and not very entertaining, but when the time came for the 4th match of the day, people got really excited. Baldr and Höor were going against each other.

Bets were going over the roof, and Loki was more than happy to win everything, placing a huge amount in Höor's behalf.

Maybe that's why everyone was so suspicious when that particular fight was so short. Baldr and Höor hadn't been sparring for more than 10 minutes, when Höor managed to draw blood from his brother's forearm with his spear.

Before his body even touched the ground, Baldr was dead.

.-

The ball had been suspended, as had been most of the other competitions. Höor was being held in one of the dungeons and Baldr's wife, Nanna, was in conference with the King and Queen demanding justice for her deceased husband.

The word _poison_ and _conspiracy_ had spread through Asgard like wildfire, and the rumours involved Loki. So it was no wonder that Sigyn's skin was pricking uncomfortably while she paced in her chambers, trying to bond with Loki.

 _Loki?_

No answer.

 _Loki, stop blocking me or I'll smack you._

 _I'm in the throne room being accused of murder, I'll let you in on the details shortly._

Loki blocked the communication again, leaving Sigyn worried and rattled. She had no other option but to wait until Loki came back to their room.

"What happened? Why was Nanna there?" She inquired.

"Nanna is convinced that I had something to do with Baldr's death, she came to demand punishment for me. But, it's not my fault that Höor is such a dimwitted oaf." Loki said dismissively.

"And you father did nothing?" Sigyn was still worried, even when she knew Loki could talk his way out of almost everything. _Almost_.

"He said Nanna had no proof, so he wouldn't do a thing." He shrugged.

Sigyn wished she could shake the uneasy feeling that lingered after Nanna left the palace. That feeling of impending doom followed her the rest of the evening, leading her to an uneasy sleep.

Next morning, she woke with a start. _Something's wrong_.

Sigyn ran to the twins room, only to find it empty. The oppression in her chest didn't allow her to breathe, yet somehow she managed to run back to her room where an alarmed Loki was waiting for her.

"The twins are gone." Sigyn said, her breath short and shallow, as she clutched her chest.

"Sigyn, what-" Loki couldn't finish, when a guard entered their bedroom.

"Your majesties, I'm sorry to disturb you-"

"Where are my children?!" Sigyn started panicking. She got off the bed and sauntered over the guard. Loki started on her tail and held her close.

"We found only one of them." The guard said softly, looking at the ground.

Sigyn didn't need to hear anything else. She knew. She could _feel_ it.

Her legs gave in and she crumbled to the ground, her eyes swelling up with tears. Loki was immediately by her side, holding her shaking body firmly against his chest, fighting tears of his own.

Sigyn screamed.

A piercing scream that shattered Loki's heart.


	6. Chapter 6

**** Chapter warnings: Mentions of blood and torture ****

* * *

 **Ch. 6: Dissolving like the setting sun.**

 _I am so sorry._

Loki's hands were still covered in blood, and they left a smear over his face as he tried to wipe his tears.

 _I am so sorry._

The flickering golden light of the asgardian prison cell doors were the only thing illuminating anything. He looked at his hands again, his shirt, his trousers, blood all over them.

In his head, it had been justified. In his heart, that punishment wasn't nearly enough to retribute the pain he was feeling right now. The pain he knew Sigyn was feeling right now.

He could see her in his head: crumpled up in their room, after destroying everything on sight. Her hands were bruised, her hair disheveled, her clothes torn apart. He could feel her pain, knowing half the tears he was uncontrollably shedding were hers.

Nanna was still convinced that Loki had had something to do with Baldr's death, and having gotten nothing out of her audience with Odin, took vengeance in her own hands. Making use of her magic, Nanna forced Vàli to turn into a mindless wolf, who attacked Narfi to his death. When Vàli woke up to see his work, he went mad with anger and grief. It took Loki two days to find his body, crashed against the rocks of the Asgard lake.

Loki had lost his sons: Vàli and Narfi were dead, and he just _lost_ it.

The rampant rage attack that followed led him straight to Nanna's son, Forseti. And now Forseti was dead, a thousand daggers tore his body, much like Narfi's body had been torn apart, much like Vàli's mind had been torn apart. This time, Loki drenched in blood was all the proof Nanna needed to sentence him to death.

But Odin wouldn't sentence Loki to death, as it was Nanna who started everything.

What would happen to him was still unclear, so right now, Loki was in the dungeons, drinking in his misery. Grieving for his sons, grieving for his wife. Grieving for the life he wouldn't be allowed to have anymore.

 _Sigyn._

As if he had summoned her, Sigyn was there with him. "Loki."

"Sigyn!" Loki's heart leapt on his chest, until he realized it was just a projection.

"They won't let me come see you." Sigyn's image knelt in front of Loki, and stared.

"I am so sorry. This is all my fault." Loki said, kneeling with her, his face inches from Sigyn's. Her hand went to touch his face, but it went right through.

"Don't say that." Sigyn said, shaking her head.

"It is, Sigyn." Loki broke in tears.

"You don't have to tell _me_ what you did. And you did nothing." Sigyn said, placing her hand over Loki's, the soft tingle of static tickling his fingers.

"What will happen to me?" Loki asked softly.

"I have no idea." Sigyn sighed. "I might as well be on house arrest, they don't even let me out of the room. Eir has been giving me these herbs that make me awfully sleepy."

"That means they're up to something." Loki said with a pang of fear. "They won't keep me here in Asgard."

"Loki, you know I'll find you. Whatever they do, wherever they take you, I _will_ find you." Sigyn reassured him, wiping tears from her face. Before any of them could say anything, Loki heard the dungeons door.

"Go, someone's coming."

Sigyn wished she could kiss him before she vanished.

Without Sigyn's projection, the cell became a little darker, but Loki could still hear the footsteps approaching.

"Of course Odin would send you." Loki said with a smirk. "Are you proud of doing his dirty work?"

"It brings me no pleasure, I assure you." Thor said, as the guards that accompanied him opened the cell. "And I'm only meant to take you to the throne room." He added, as he handcuffed Loki and forced him up.

"Then you don't know what plans he has laid out for me."

"I'm sorry, Loki, but I don't know anything." Thor said, really meaning it. He actually wished there was something he could do for his brother. "Maybe if you showed some remorse-"

"Remorse from avenging my sons' lives? That hag got exactly what she asked for! She's the one who should be here, rotting in her misery! But no. Odin decided to let her go free, that what I did was enough." Tears of rage burned in his eyes, but Loki wouldn't cry in front of Thor, let alone would he let Odin see all his pain. "Not even for his own family… Vàli and Narfi were _your_ nephews, they were _his_ grandsons. And he just sat there…" Loki shook his head. "No. I don't feel remorse, nor can I fake it."

Thor escorted Loki silently the rest of the way to the throne room.

.-

The dream was a blur, maybe it had to do with the herbs Eir was giving her, but it had felt _so real_. Sigyn was in the throne room, Odin's stern stare fixed on her and he spoke. She couldn't exactly remember what was he saying, but she did remember the fear that rushed through her. No… it wasn't _her_ fear. It was _Loki's_. Even in her drugged state, Loki had managed to bond with her and make her see what he was seeing. He was being condemned, sent away from Asgard.

No wonder they had sedated her.

Sigyn tried to snap out of the herbal induced haze. Half awake, she made way to the bathroom, sinking her head into the cold water. That woke her up a bit, but it was the surge of pain that followed what completely sobered her up.

Her skin felt like it was on fire, as if it was slowly and painfully melting from her body. Sigyn fell to the floor as another wave of agony hit her. It took all she had not to scream. Instead, she closed her eyes and focused on Loki.

 _Sigyn, don't-_

Again, the burning feeling. Sigyn opened her eyes and saw nothing but darkness, she tried to move her hands, but they were held by heavy chains.

 _Sigyn, please, leave._

 _NO!_

Her lower back felt the punctures of sharp rocks and her nose caught the pungent scent of the venom. The searing pain on her shoulders started to subside: Loki was fading out.

 _Loki, please! Hang on, I will come for you. I will come for you!_

There was no answer. In a flash of green, Sigyn found herself kneeling on the floor of her bathroom. The pain gave way to the anger: No one in the history of the universe had felt such wrath.

Sigyn collected herself, wide awake now and marched for the throne room.

The doors bursted open, though she didn't even seem to touch them. The noise startled Odin and Frigga, and several guards.

"Where is he?!" Sigyn said, hands shaking with fury. "Where did you take him?!"

Odin just stared at her, completely unmoved. Frigga did look more affected, as her eyes were red and her face was pale. But not even the allmother had it in her to go against Odin's will.

"Leave now, child, and I will not punish you as well." Odin said plainly. It only added to Sigyn's outrage.

"YOU ARE TORTURING HIM!" Sigyn shouted at Odin, completely out of herself. "Losing his family wasn't punishment enough for both of you that you must inflict such pain on him?"

"Sigyn, please calm down." Frigga said, unsuccessfully.

"Calm down? Calm down?! You have Loki chained in a cave, venom draining his magic, _his life_ , AND YOU WANT ME TO CALM DOWN?!" Sigyn pulled at her own hair, pacing in circles.

"How do you know-" Frigga said, looking perplexed at the knowledge Sigyn had.

"Loki showed me." Sigyn said evasively, knowing she couldn't betray the bond Loki and she had. "He must have passed out after, cause-" She swallowed without finishing what she was saying.

"He took justice in his own hands. That is his punishment and it will be until I decide is enough." Odin spoke. "Now, if you do not wish to be moved to the dungeons, go back to your room and grieve. That's all you can do for Loki now."

Sigyn shook her head, realizing that talking to Odin was very much like talking to a brick wall. "No, I can do _so much more_ than that. I'm going to find my husband."

"You won't be able to find him."

"You don't know your own son, don't pretend to know me!" Turning her back to the king, Sigyn started walking for the door.

"I forbid you from leaving this realm!"

"Try and stop me." Sigyn said without looking back.

"Guards! Stop her!" Odin shouted, two guards stood by the door and went to grab her, but their hands went right through Sigyn's projection.

"Go fuck yourself, Odin." Sigyn's projection said with a smirk, before dissolving into thin air.


	7. Chapter 7

**** Chapter warnings: Mentions of blood and torture ****

* * *

 **Ch. 7: Are you strong enough to stand protecting both your heart and mine?**

 _Breathe._

Inhale- A wave of pain stopped his chest from moving.

He had to be reminded on how to get air inside his lungs. It hurt. The peeled skin left his flesh exposed, with each intake his burns ripped open all over again. Blood trickled down his shoulders and his chest, his lower back punctured by of the rocks underneath. His hair was sticking to his forehead, matted with blood and sweat.

 _Breathe._

He tried again, this time slower. The pain was a little more bearable, but it still made his muscles scream in agony. He pulled at the chains in his wrists, the metal digging into his forearms served as a distraction from the pain in his torso. He gulped the air down greedily, keeping it in his lungs for as long as he could before breathing out slowly.

Loki kept his eyes shut, it made no difference in the pitch black cave. He braced himself, now that he was awake, he would feel every bit of the dripping poison in his bare body. Every spell he had tried to use to block it had been useless: the venom would find a way.

It would burn his skin, it would expose his flesh, it would make him bleed, it would make him scream until his throat was sore, it would leave smoking traces and an acrid smell of burnt meat. The next drops would melt into his muscles, turning them into a gelatinous gunk, until it would reach the bone. His shoulder blades had already suffered, he had spent the last of his energy trying to heal the wound and cover the exposed bone. That's when he had passed out.

" _Loki?_ "

He heard a small whisper in the back of his head. _Sigyn_ , he thought. He had been so drained of his magic, that he had stopped trying to reach for her.

" _Loki, please…_ "

He heard again and blinked his eyes open. A faint light was flooding the cave and he gasped, surprised. He regretted it immediately, as the wounds in his chest reopened.

" _Shit._ " Loki was screaming now, but it was short lived. Soon, a cool sensation against his flesh soothed the pain a bit. And he realized.

"The Hel are you doing here? How did you find me?" He said hoarsely, staring at his wife. "You're not supposed to be here."

"Yet here I am." Sigyn said with a quivering voice. "As how I found you, remember we're bound together. There's nowhere you can go that I won't find you."

Loki took in the picture in front of him: Sigyn's skin was ghastly white, her eyes bloodshot and swollen, with purple rings around them, her hair was a braided mess. Her robe was torn and dirty, with stains that he recognized as dry blood. Her trousers were ripped, showing several skid marks on her knee and leg. Her hands had been burnt, and they were shaking as they tended to his wounds. Suddenly, breathing became a lot easier.

"Here." Sigyn said, offering Loki some water. After a couple of gulps, he felt better. "Not too much, I don't want you throwing up on top of everything." Loki just stared at her as she cleaned his face of the blood and the dirt before allowing him to drink a bit more.

"You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen." Loki said softly. Sigyn cupped his face as gently as she could and kissed his chapped lips. Somehow, he managed to smile.

"I'm sorry it took me so long to get here." Sigyn said, pressing her forehead on his.

"I wouldn't know, I've been falling in and out of consciousness." Loki shuffled uncomfortably, but in his position, there was only so much he could do. "How did you make the poison stop? I tried everything."

"I didn't make it stop." Sigyn pointed to a circular bowl floating several inches above his head. "It will take a while to be full, but I do need you to get better before it does. I cannot drain it with magic."

Loki nodded in understanding. "The handcuffs?"

"Sealed with a spell. In fact, those things are restraining your magic, not the poison." As she spoke, Sigyn fed Loki small bits of fruit and chocolate.

Loki took a deep breath. It still hurt, but at least it didn't feel like he was being skinned alive. Sigyn put her hand in the middle of his chest, making it glow gold. Loki could feel the soft tingle of magic surging through him. At first he resisted, as he didn't want to wear her out, but she insisted. He managed to heal his wrists at last.

"Why doesn't this work on the other wounds?"

"That's snake venom. Skadi provided the snake. It must be cleansed before you can heal those wounds. Unfortunately, I can't do it here. It requires a lot more than the satchel of herbs I managed to steal." Sigyn helped Loki to get more comfortable against the rocks, using her cape.

"What now?" Loki said in a low voice.

"Now we try and figure something out, I guess." Sigyn sat down between Loki's legs, trying to clean his wounds as gently as she could. "You will get out of here, I promise."

The bowl above them started shaking slightly. Sigyn looked at it and stood up in a rush. With one wordless look, Loki knew what was coming. He tried to brace himself, but sheer fear was breaking all his will.

Sigyn held the bowl. "Are you ready?"

Loki just nodded, pressing his teeth together and taking a deep breath. When Sigyn removed the bowl, it took a few seconds for the venom to drip onto Loki. He did a tremendous effort not to scream, but it was useless. His skin was still swollen and his muscles were still sore, this new wave of torture was way more than he could endure. Howling, he pulled at the shackles with such force that the whole cavern shook.

Sigyn tried to walk with the bowl full of venom as fast as she could to the back of the cave, trying her best to block Loki out, but some of the pain slipped right through. She could feel the burns in his back and the metal in his wrists. When the cavern shook, she stumbled a bit, causing the poison to slosh on her fingers. She nearly dropped the basin, but at least she was far enough so she could empty it.

She ran back, using her magic to put it again above Loki and stop the venom.

His skin was smoking and he was breathing heavily. Ignoring the pain on her hands, Sigyn hurried to clean Loki's reopened wounds. The soothing magic allowed Loki to breathe normally again.

"Thanks." He rasped. Sigyn resumed her position in between his legs, allowing him to drink a bit. "Your hands-"

"They will be fine." She said, soaking her hands in the cold water. The burns closed half way through, but at least they didn't hurt anymore. Then, she went back to cleaning Loki's chest.

He stared at her, noticing the way she was clenching her jaw. "You know you shouldn't be here."

"Don't do that." She said, still concentrated in her work. "Don't even try, cause no matter what you say, I am not abandoning you."

Loki saw the tears welling up in her eyes. "You deserve so much more than this."

"Told you not to do that." Her voice broke. "I've lost everything in the past few weeks, I'm not about to lose you too." Tears were falling down her face when she looked at him. Loki opened his mouth to speak, but she cut him off. "And stop apologizing."

.-

A loud crashing sound stirred Loki from his unconsciousness. In came the pain, and he screamed. Sigyn rushed back to his side and started fumbling with the satchel of herbs. In the brief pause the venom gave him, Loki noticed Sigyn's hands were severely burnt. He puffed, trying not to scream again.

"The bowl broke, the poison wore it down and it started slipping through the cracks." She explained briefly, holding a cup to Loki's mouth with shaking hands.

He clenched his jaw. "What-?" Sigyn took advantage of the yell he gave to force half the liquid into his mouth. Loki felt the effect like boulder to the head. "You're trying to numb me out."

"Please, Loki, just drink." Sigyn urged him and he complied begrudgingly, until he had drunk it all.

"You're up to something." Loki said, trying to fight the spell and the infusion. "What are you going to do?" He said groggily.

"I'm going to get you out of here." Sigyn whispered before kissing him.

.-

Sneaking through the palace was never hard.

Sneaking to Odin and Frigga's room, well, that was something new to her.

Sigyn thought about barging through the windows and demand they released Loki, it would suit her anger, but it could end up with her in the dungeons if someone saw her.

Instead, she managed to avoid the guards right to their chambers door and waited until the King and Queen were alone.

"Your majesties." Sigyn said, breaking the heavy silence in the room. She had been in those chambers before, while the twins were being tutored by Frigga. Everything seemed exactly the same, as if the events that destroyed her family meant absolutely nothing to them.

"Sigyn." Frigga gasped, startled. Odin came from the adjacent room and stared at her. "Where are you? Are you well?" The queen added: she had noticed it was just an illusion.

"Define well." Sigyn said with disgust. "I am back in Asgard, I've come to bargain for my husband's life."

"I might take you more seriously if you chose to come yourself." Odin crossed his arms on his chest.

"So you can have me flogged and thrown in the dungeons?" Sigyn smirked. "Hel, no."

"We won't do any of it." Frigga stated, giving Odin a hard look. He just nodded and sat down.

Sigyn's projection dissolved at the same time the real Sigyn opened the door. Frigga ran to her and hugged her to her chest, apologizing over and over again.

"I have been so worried! I had nightmares thinking you could've been killed trying to find Loki-"

"I did find him." Sigyn said, completely unmoved by Frigga's words and actions. A few apologies wouldn't do, not after everything they had gone through.

"How?" Odin enquired, but Sigyn didn't answer.

Frigga took Sigyn's hands, and recognized the wounds. "That's snake poison." She muttered. Holding Sigyn's wrist, she mouthed a short spell, the bright golden thread that bound Loki and Sigyn flickered against the burnt skin.

"How? When? How did you convince him?" Frigga said, absolutely confused.

Sigyn rolled her eyes. "It was _his_ idea, and we got bound right after we got married." She said, snatching her hand back from the queen's grasp. "But of course that's how _low_ you'd think of him. He's not even your son, is he?"

Odin shifted uncomfortably on his chair, while Frigga just retreated. "What makes you say that?"

Sigyn displayed her glowing wrist. "We're bound. I can _feel_ the glamouring spell inside of him."

"Does he know?" Frigga muttered, while tears filled her eyes.

"No… I just noticed cause he's been nearly depleted of his magic."

"And we'll all keep it that way." Odin said menacingly.

"So many things are clear right now. Why you have always favored Thor, why you didn't do anything when Nanna killed our sons, why you chose to punish him like this… Is he even an asgardian?"

"No, he's not." To Sigyn's surprise, this time Frigga was the one talking.

"Silence, woman!" Odin warned, but Frigga chose to ignore him.

"For the Norns' sake, Odin! We _chose_ to adopt him after you found him in Jötunheim! We _chose_ to raise him, and for what?" Frigga said, her voice was quivering, but she would not falter in front of the king this time. "To give him a life? A family? To be one of us for as long as you deemed necessary and then take it all away?"

"Jötunheim? He's a _frost giant_?" Sigyn asked.

"Yes." Frigga said, while still staring at the king. "Bring _my son_ back home."

"He's not your son!"

"I _choose_ for him to be my son, then!"

Odin mulled over what Frigga said, but Sigyn knew he wouldn't give in so easily. "His punishment isn't over yet. He still broke the ancient laws, he took justice into his own hands and murdered an innocent life that cannot be replaced."

"If it's a life you want, then take mine and end our misery." Sigyn said.

Both king and queen looked at her. "Are you offering your life to save his?"

"If that is punishment enough for you, then yes." She stood very still, her whole body was shaking, but she wouldn't let them see.

"You'd still give your life for him, after knowing his true heritage? Why?"

Sigyn stared at Odin in disbelief, how could she start to explain what Odin was too small and simpleminded to see?

"Because I love him." It was a really simple answer. "Because both of us are stuck in this half life. Loki in that cave, me a prisoner on this rock. I gave up my only chance of helping him by coming back here. If my life is going to give him _his life_ back, then I'll do it."

"Let us assume that I consent to your request. Your terms?" Odin said.

"As I said, give Loki his life back. At least one of us will have a second chance."


	8. Chapter 8

**Ch. 8: You're my head, you're my heart**

Loki was dragged down the great hall and dropped cruelly on the cold floor in front of the throne. Sigyn rushed to his side, shoving the guards away. She used soothing magic to ease the pain a bit, so Loki could remember how to breathe.

"Sigyn? What did you-" He coughed. She shook her head, still tending to all the wounds on his face, shoulders, chest and back. Despite all her efforts before leaving the cave, the poison had burned deep into his flesh, exposing back down to the bone some places, his skin appeared to be oozing from his body. He had been drained again.

Odin slammed the floor with his staff, the sound echoing loudly in the throne room.

"Loki, as of now you are granted a pardon for your crimes, you will be released, healed and have your title restored." Odin spoke plainly, as if everything was a boring speech. "Another has volunteered, and shall receive your punishment."

Loki mastered enough strength to look at his wife. "Sigyn, no."

"As a last granted wish, Sigyn will be allowed to heal you before she is executed within a fortnight."

"Father!" Loki tried to get up against Sigyn's hands pulling him back down. "Father, no, please! Send me back-"

"I will say no more, the decision is final." With nothing more than a disappointed scowl in his son's direction, Odin stepped down the throne and left the room.

Loki managed to kneel in front of his wife. "Sigyn, tell me- this is not happening-" With shaking hands he fisted Sigyn's robe. "What-?"

"Shh… take it easy, we'll talk later." Her voice was shaking too. "You must rest now."

"No, no, no…" Loki buried his head in her lap and wrapped his arms around her, his whole body trembling in pain, fear, rage… It was a burning sensation growing deep within his being, so excruciatingly painful that he'd rather spend eternity submerged in Skadi's snake venom: he was sure it would hurt less.

"It will be alright, you will be alright…" Sigyn's voice was low and soothing, the exact opposite of what Loki was feeling. He wanted to scream, shout, curse his father, curse all of Asgard and burn it to the ground for this. "You will be alright, go to sleep, my love." Softly, she started to sing, the magic felt cool against his wounds, and Loki didn't feel like fighting anymore, giving in to Sigyn's spell.

With a last squeeze on her waist, he passed out.

.-

First it was the light: golden and bright through his eyelids. Loki took a deep breath and tried to move away from the light. That's when the pain came, burning his skin, not allowing him to breathe, dark spots dancing in his eyes until he kept still again.

He squeezed his eyes shut waiting for the pain to subside. He couldn't tell how much time had passed, everything was a blur. He remembered being pulled from the rocks, taken back to the palace. He remembered his father talking, saying _she_ would be executed because of him. Wait, what? No… that was surely a nightmare. He was probably still in the cave, passed out as he had done multiple times, and in any moment the searing pain would start again.

But it didn't.

The golden light shone again through his eyelids. This wasn't right?

Slowly he opened his eyes, taking in his surroundings. He was in his own bed, in his own chambers. Back in Asgard.

 _It wasn't a nightmare._

He started panicking, his breath growing fast and ragged as he tried again to move. This time he didn't care about the pain in his skin, as the burning feeling setting his core ablaze was a million times worse. He managed to turn in the bed, facing the window, and he saw her standing in the balcony, back turned to him. Her loose hair cascading down, shining in the sunlight. Loki thought it was beautiful.

"Morning…" Sigyn said turning around, sighing with relief. "So glad to have you back."

"How long have I been out?" He laid flat on the bed, face down, trying to move as little as possible.

"What's the last thing you remember?" She asked, sitting on the bed by his side.

Loki swallowed heavily. "Throne room."

"Two days. That was two days ago." Loki pulled on Sigyn's robes. She laid down beside him and helped him crawl on top, his head on her chest, their hands linked. "You're still a little feverish." She tried to get up and get him some water, but Loki wouldn't let her move.

"I feel a lot better now." He took a deep breath, taking in her scent. He didn't know how much he had missed it until now. "Sigyn, what happened-"

"Not yet." She interrupted him.

"If not now, when?"

"Not yet." She repeated, and swiftly changed the subject. "I was waiting for you come around and eat something. Eir said you must have another cleansing session, but I refused until you woke up. I really thought I'd lost you a few times there, you were in so much pain." Sigyn sighed, stroking Loki's hair slowly. "But, it should be the last one."

"Sigyn, please." Loki managed to look at her. She just stared back, into those beautiful blue eyes she loved so much, and stroked his face.

"I can't-" Sigyn shook her head. "If I say it, it will become real. I don't want it to be real just yet." Loki placed his forehead against her. "I was allowed to care for you, so I need you to be alright before-"

Loki cut her up with a kiss, maybe he didn't want it to be real just yet either. Sigyn sighed deeply, tangling her fingers in his hair. The kiss grew deeper and more needy, and Loki tried to shift on top of her, just to be stopped by a shock of pain. Sigyn placed her hand on his back, lulling the pain with magic. Loki put his head back on her shoulder.

"Sorry." She whispered.

"Not your fault." He said staring into her eyes.

"You need to eat. I'll tell Eir you're awake." Sigyn slithered from under Loki's body and sat up on the bed. Loki did the same, constantly flinching, but managing to sit up against the pillows.

Loki's stomach growled happily at the smell of the food Sigyn put in front of him. He was a bit wary: he hadn't had a proper meal in some time, so he took it slow. Sigyn just watched him eat. "Aren't you eating?"

"I'm not hungry."

"Sigyn-"

"Don't start." Sigyn kissed the top of Loki's head. "Going to the healers ward, be right back."

Loki tried to keep eating, but the knot in his stomach tightened in apprehension. He couldn't taste the food anymore, it felt coarse and gritty in his mouth, completely sour. The sharpness of acid and bile mixed in the back of his throat and he dropped the silverware. He took a couple of deep breaths, but it was in vain: his gut simply didn't like eating.

Despite the pain on his back, he bolted for the bathroom, dropping the tray. He barely made it before throwing up what little he had swallowed. With every gag, his back felt like it was being ripped open again. The pain was blinding him, the lack of air made him queasy. He was about to pass out, try as he might not to.

Everything became blurry and confusing after that. First he saw Sigyn in the bath chamber with him. Then, he was in the Healers Ward, face down on a table. His hands were holding hers.

 _You'll be fine, this is the last one._

Sigyn's voice echoed inside his skull. He tightened his grip on her hands, fighting between the pain and unconsciousness. He held on to her hands like they were keeping him in the world, like in any minute he'd be swept away to another dimension and Sigyn was the only thing anchoring him down.

 _Hold on to me, love._

Loki allowed himself to drown in her voice, in all the little encouragements she was giving him. It made him think of happier days.

 _Hold on to me._

Happier days. Days they'd spent tangled in bed for hours. Days where they would visit other realms. Days where they'd bathe in the sun or take cover from the snow. Days like the one when Sigyn told him he was going to be a father. Or when she gave birth to the most beautiful creatures in the universe. Days when they were a family- No, those days weren't happy any more. They were painful.

 _Loki, stay with me._

Painful. Like the day they found Narfi's torn limbs. Like when he found Vàli smashed against the rocks. The images flashed in front of him, each of them like a drop of snake poison falling right into his heart, melting it away.

 _Loki, please! Don't think of that._

Pain. That's all he could feel right now. His own pain, Sigyn's pain, his sons' pain. He felt like the vessel of all their suffering. Maybe if he just let go, the suffering would stop.

 _Please! Don't do this! Don't you dare!_

 _Sigyn…_

 _Please, stay with me._

She was pleading, crying inside his head, begging him to stay. Why would she do this? Why would she sacrifice herself for him? Why would she beg him to stay? He was the embodiment of everything that was wrong in her life.

 _Never._

 _I should've let you marry Theoric._

 _Never._

 _I shouldn't have tricked you._

 _Loki, stop._

 _I shouldn't have killed Nanna's boy._

 _Stop!_

 _Why? Why are you still holding on to me? Why are you giving your life for mine?_

 _Because I love you, you idiot!_

Love. Loki felt like he was being pulled back to his body, and he clenched Sigyn's hands almost painfully. He opened his eyes briefly, with a weird sense of relief as the pain on his back subsided. Sigyn was kneeling on the floor in front of him, smiling faintly behind her tears.

"I love you too." He whispered before passing out.

.-

It was already dark when Loki woke up again. Cautiously, he took a slow and deep breath. Yes, his muscles were still a bit sore, but the pain had gone away. The healers had successfully cleansed the snake venom, and with his magic not longer being restrained, he could finally heal himself.

It was a short lived moment of good news, as _everything else_ dawned on him. Loki sat up on the bed and noticed Sigyn sleeping peacefully beside him. His heart broke all over again.

Moving her hair aside, he curled up to her back, wrapping his arms around his waist and pulling her close.

"Go away." Sigyn growled still half asleep and Loki smiled against her neck.

"You don't really want me to go away." He whispered.

"Norns, you're awake." Sigyn said, snapping her eyes open. She turned around and wrapped her arms around his neck. Loki rolled them over, so now she was on top of him. "How are you feeling?" Sigyn straddled his hips.

"Sore. Awake. Hungry." He listed, while stroking her thighs. Sigyn made his linen shirt disappear and pulled him up so she could examine his shoulders and his back. He heard her say something about the scars, and how those would fade in time. "Sigyn, I'm fine." He said with a small smile, holding her hands to keep her still. "As fine as I can be."

She sighed deeply and rested her forehead against his. There was so much she wanted to say, but the tears choked her.

"I know." Loki said. Of course he knew, there was no need for her to say anything. He wiped her tears away with his thumb, staring into her eyes. "I know."

With her hands around his neck, Sigyn pulled him close and kissed him. Loki reciprocated the gesture, arms back around her waist, holding her so her body was flush against his.

Another short lived moment of happiness. But this one… This one they would hold on to a little longer.


	9. Chapter 9

**Ch. 9: Drag my teeth across your chest to taste your beating heart**

The past week had been Hel for both Loki and Sigyn.

The days would find them either enraged or in deep sadness. Sigyn had lost count of the times they had to fix windows and furniture with magic. It had been particularly bad on the one day Loki tried to reason with Odin. It was a lost cause, but at that point, Loki was willing to do almost anything. To no one's surprise, all Loki got was two bloody fists and a few broken mirrors.

The nights were even worse. Neither Sigyn or Loki were in the mood to sleep, and whenever they managed, Loki would have horrible nightmares, and he would wake up screaming and sweating, searching for Sigyn on the bed. He panicked everytime she wasn't there, the mere thought that he wouldn't find her there _ever again_ , was devastating. He gave up sleeping all together as Sigyn, to Loki's great disturb, gave up eating.

Near the end, all they did was to spend time as close to each other as it was physically possible.

.-

Loki had been pacing around in circles for so long that either the floor or his boots would soon be worn out. His heart was pounding inside his chest, hammering his ribcage so hard he was sure he was going to pass out any minute.

He didn't know how long it was since his mother has whisked Sigyn away, but it felt like hours. This was it: the last chance they both had. One last attempt, orchestrated by Frigga herself, to try and talk some pity into Odin.

Loki new better than to hold hope, and yet there he was, pleading to anyone in the universe that could hear him. To the universe itself, to the multiverse itself. Anyone, anything, that could stop Odin from sacrificing her.

It didn't help to his anxiety that Sigyn had been blocking their bond the whole day. He prodded, called and begged, to no avail. He had no other choice but to wait.

And wait he did, until the soft creaking of the door startled him. Panic rose in his chest as he watched Sigyn come in, close the door behind her and lean on it. No words, no tears, no nothing… Loki didn't need any of it to realize there was nothing left to say.

After a moment of resignation, Sigyn flung herself into his arms and buried her head in his chest. Loki took a deep breath and held her close and hid his nose into her hair. He felt like crying, but the tears wouldn't come. Either he had run out of them, or the pain and emptiness he felt were beyond them.

Sigyn looked up to him. Slowly, Loki leaned in, nuzzling her nose, searching for her lips, and he kissed her. Her arms were around his neck, hands slowly threading and pulling his hair as the kiss deepened.

Wordlessly, Loki lifted Sigyn from the floor and carried her to their bed without breaking the kiss. By the time she was on the bed and he was on top, their clothes had already vanished.

Loki broke away and hovered over her, drinking in the sight of her body beneath his. For 600 years this view had taken his breath away, he couldn't even begin to comprehend that he would lose it forever. His heart stung.

Seeing the sadness in his eyes, Sigyn pulled him down and kissed him again, forcing him out of the pain, even if it was for a few hours.

His hands traced her skin, as if he was trying to relearn every single curve and crevice of her body. Memorize it. Keep her inside of him forever, burn her in his brain. His mouth and tongue followed suit, worshiping her in every way he knew she enjoyed, until she was the most exquisite sweating, panting mess in the universe.

Then, he'd start all over. And over. And over.

Exhaustion found Sigyn sitting between Loki's legs, her own legs wrapped loosely around his waist, her forehead against his and his hands on her bare thighs. Their skin glistening in the starlight that came in the window, cool wind ruffling the curtains, making them aware of the late night hour it was.

"I know you're scared." Loki said softly, almost afraid to break the silence. "Why don't you just-"

Sigyn shook her head. "I can't let you in, I just can't…"

"Why?" He didn't even try to hide the worry in his voice.

"It hurts. It hurts way too much and I don't want you to feel it." Sigyn traced his jawline with her fingers. "When I came back to Asgard I was so ready, or I thought I was. Maybe it was just the despair." Loki just stared at her, urging her to continue. "I had to do something and I did it without really thinking of the consequences."

Loki mulled over what Sigyn said, it only made him feel worse. Of course she would try to fix all his mistakes, that's what she did. That's what she _always_ did. Pick him from the ground and patch him up, time and time again. "Please be honest with me: do you regret it?"

"No, of course not!" She said, and cupped his face with her hands. "Loki, I would give my life a thousand times for you, cause I know you'd do the same."

"I don't deserve it. Deserve _you_ … this is all my fault." He said, dropping his head to her shoulder, not wanting to look at her.

"It was _my choice_ , Loki. Always has been. I chose to stay married to you, I chose to have a family with you, I chose to stand by your side through it all, and I am choosing to save you." She lifted his head up again. "Besides, what you did after-" Sigyn stopped for a brief moment, not wanting to verbalize the twins death. "What you did to that- woman- it was nothing short of what I would've done. You are not the one to blame here, and don't even think for a second that I blame you. Never have and never will."

Loki hugged her, letting out a deep sigh, and buried his face again on her neck. "How am I ever going to be happy again without you?"

"You will, you have to. Out of the both of us, you are the one with a better chance at life." Sigyn said, and stroked his hair. Loki begged to differ, but said nothing. "I will wait for you in Valhalla."

"I don't think I'll be going to Valhalla." Loki said with a sad smile.

She pulled back and stared at him. "Then I'll go to Hel and find you there."

Loki felt his eyes welling up, and he pulled her close, melting into a kiss that he wished would slow down time. Shifting their bodies, he made her lie on the bed with him on top, loving her for what he knew it would be the last time.

He made a great effort to make it last as long as he possibly could, going against the needs of his own body, just to stretch that one moment into eternity. He didn't want to give her up: he wanted to keep her nails on his back, the bites on his neck, her warmth on his skin, her shivers under his body, her whimpers in his ears, her moans down his throat.

But it had to end. What he had now was her heartbeat on his head, thumping wildly against his ears as he laid on top of her chest. He memorized the slowing rhythm as his own heart slowed down almost to the point of stopping. Sigyn wrapped her arms around him and pulled him close, and Loki realized, she was humming a lullaby.

"Don't use your magic on me." He demanded, breaking her song. "I wanna be awake when-"

"But _I_ don't want you to be awake." She interrupted. "It's going to be hard enough for me to leave, you'll only try to stop me."

"And what's wrong about that?" He said looking sadly at her.

"That I might let you." They knew the consequences of Sigyn not showing up, so Loki just sighed in defeat. "Please, sleep. I'll make sure you don't have nightmares this once."

Loki put his head back on her chest, where he could hear her heartbeat again. The rhythmic sound mixed with Sigyn's lullaby and the soothing magic worked rather fast, even against his will, and he gave in.

 _Just remember that I love you. Don't ever forget that I love you._

When Loki woke up, Sigyn was already gone.


	10. Chapter 10

**Ch. 10: Found a place to rest my head**

 _Scheduled at dawn._

How can someone's life can be scheduled a dawn? Maybe it was a poor choice of words, but Loki felt it had more to do with his father being an asshole about it.

Scheduled at dawn, so there's no disruption of the daily routines. So it can be done away, concealed, secretly. No one would see, no one would know and mostly, no one would get to have an opinion about it. Invisible. A bitter resentment filled Loki's chest: _Sigyn is anything but invisible!_

Scheduled at dawn and hidden on the lower levels of the castle. Loki walked the endless stairs and dark catwalks in autopilot, following the soft ruffle of Frigga's tunic.

How much he just wanted to turn back and run away! Or better yet, barge in, get Sigyn and flee. Maybe kill Odin on their way out, or severely maim him. None of these options were plausible, though, so Loki dragged behind Frigga until they reached the dark chamber underneath the prison, just in time to see two Sanctum acolytes strapping Sigyn to a golden machine.

Loki had never been physically there before, but he knew of its existence and knew the machinery's purpose.

It was an ingenious contraption, very rarely used, but very effective in all sort of magic wielding beings. Loki didn't know exactly how it worked, all he knew was that it would suck Sigyn's powers from her, draining her magic and her life force. Her energy, and her body, would be effectively scattered back to the aether and she would cease to exist in physical form.

This felt like the final offense: she wouldn't even get a proper funeral.

Sigyn stared at him. The paleness of her skin didn't differ from the white linen tunic she was wearing, and the braids on her hair were already falling apart. Loki wanted to go to her and at least fix her hair, hold her one last time. But he couldn't. All he could do was to stare back, wishing she would stop blocking him, so he could say all the things he hadn't said before.

 _I know, my love._

He suddenly heard in his head, and choked back tears with great effort. Sigyn closed her eyes as the machine sprung to life with a soft hum.

Odin had forced him to watch, and as much as Loki wanted to challenge his father, he just couldn't stand it. Not when something started pulling at his gut, not allowing him to breathe. Loki exited the small room, his closed eyes just caught the flashes of dispersed seidr.

The pulling pain on the pit of his stomach forced him to curl down on the floor, feeling like someone was yanking his insides out through his skin. Loki realized that must have been their bond. He held to it as hard as he could, clutching his eyes and hands tight, until the pain stopped in a flash of gold.

Then, silence.

She was gone.

And he felt like someone had ripped his heart out.

Odin might have killed Sigyn, but she wasn't the only one who died that day.

No matter how hard Frigga tried to keep him in check, Loki simply faded away. Everything he might have felt before vanished: his feelings, his heart, his happiness. _His sanity_.

He was the carcass of the person he once was. Prone to destructiveness, easy to anger.

His unpredictability became so bad that rumors spread through Asgard, retelling what had been his happy story. People seemed eager to believe there was no way Sigyn had married him on her free will, that he forced himself on her, that he actually had killed Baldr, that he had murdered his children himself.

In any other circumstances, Loki would've been deeply hurt by it. But not now. There was nothing left for him to feel. So if people wanted a monster, he would give them such a monster.

His magic became his best weapon. Thanks to it, Loki learned to cloak himself from Heimdall, found secret passages out of Asgard, perfected his illusions. Though the biggest illusion he performed was that he was actually getting better.

But he was just biding his time.

He would start by bringing a couple of frost giants to Asgard, just to ruin Thor's day.

.-

Loki found himself at the end of his self destructive spiral, captive of an all powerful titan, everything around him feeling like a terrible dejavu.

It didn't matter if he was awake or unconscious: same darkness, same pain. It didn't matter if his mind transported him back to the cave where his torture started, or if he was awake to suffer the Other torturing him on Thanos' orders.

The only difference was that this time no one would come find him.

Thor and Frigga probably thought he was dead, and Odin had never given a damn about him anyway. Least of all now, when he knew he was really a frost giant, _kidnapped_ by Odin.

Laufey's son.

And he had killed Laufey.

No, no one would be looking for him this time.

Maybe it was finally time to let go, to end all the suffering, lose himself into the aether, and the pain would end.

No one would beg him to stay, no one would cry for him.

The only person in the whole universe who would've done that had been taken away from him ages ago. He hadn't even allowed himself to think of her anymore.

 _Sigyn._

His soul ached. His body was close to giving up as he struggled with pain and unconsciousness. Would he actually go to Valhalla and find her there? No, that wasn't even a question. He would definitely go to Hel. He wondered if Sigyn would remember what she said.

 _Sigyn._

Maybe that would be the fastest way to see her again. Go to Hel and wait for her to find him, he knew she would find him. He was fading out when a tingle on the back of his head anchored him back down to reality with a jolt and he gasped loudly.

 _Sigyn?_

 _Loki. Hold on to me, love._


	11. Author's note

This fic is the first part of a series, and is being continued on LONG AND LOST.

Thank you!


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